Irrationality seems to be the only thing I have left. Kidnapping...refusal to allow daily functions to go on...things that I know oh so well what the result will be....and i know it will be bad.....but that is turning into my only hope. Really, what can I even do anymore? I can't make anyone else happy. I can't even control my own happiness at this point, and for the split second I am able to forget all my sorrows and just live life....i am always quickly brought back down. Really??? what else can I do!?! I have reached the point of hopeless....I have reached the pathetic stage I try so hard to avoid. All I am able to do is wait....and when waiting isnt good enough I resort to irrationality and anger. I am pretty good at all of the above. My hopeless self will continue to be unhappy, pathetic, and angry until I have reason to be otherwise. I miss having a reason to wake up in the morning....motivation to get out of bed. I miss having a reason for just about anything that I do. My motivation is gone....my hope is gone....Gosh darn it. This sucks.